You Better Beware That Vamp's Ire
by VickyVicarious
Summary: Just a little bit of Spike/Dawn humor/friendship-fluff. Set early-to-mid S5, I guess, without any Spuffy romance angle.


When Spike gets angry, people get scared.

They used to die, but that can't happen anymore. But fear is another matter.

-xxx-

When Spike gets bored, people run.

They always have and they always will.

-xxx-

When Spike watches _Passions_, people laugh at him.

Then they hide.

-xxx-

When Spike eats popcorn with blood drizzled on it, people say "Eew!"

Then they sit down next to him, but only if they're Dawn.

-xxx-

When Spike watches _Passions_ because he's bored, while eating blood-drizzled popcorn, people want to laugh, be sickened, and run and hide.

Dawn sits down next to him, and asks if she can paint his nails.

-xxx-

When Spike and Dawn spend three hours on the Summers couch, between them smoking cigarettes, eating blood-drizzled popcorn, watching _Passions_ reruns, talking about the totally hot guy at school, learning how throw a punch, painting their finger- and toe-nails, and learning how to use eyeliner properly, people are flabbergasted.

Particularly the Scoobies, when they walk in on Dawn writhing around on the couch and screaming "Girly! _Girliiieeee!_" while Spike tickles her and roars, "Big Bad, dammit! Not! Girly!", an eyeliner pencil sticking out of his mouth on the left, a cigarette on the right, bloody popcorn being crushed underneath them, both of them with freshly painted nails that in Dawn's case are brighter than the sun, hot pink, and are getting on Spike's black shirt as she tries to push him away.

-xxx-

When Spike is caught in such a situation, he stares blankly at people until Xander notes in a daze, "Eyeliner…"

People laugh uproariously and never forget it, and Spike is mildly humiliated.

-xxx-

When Spike is humiliated, Spike gets angry.

When Spike gets angry, people get scared.

-xxx-

When Spike gets angry and threatens the Scoobies, and they still continue to snicker whenever they see him, because even though they are mildly scared they know he can't do anything, he resents it.

Dawn resents too, on his behalf, and invites him for a sleepover on her birthday.

-xxx-

When Spike sleeps over at the Summers household, along with all of the Scoobies and Dawn's best friend Janice, and they become trapped in the house due to a demon-induced blizzard, Spike gets bored.

Spike remembers being resentful and angry, and talks to Dawn.

-xxx-

When Spike goes missing for eight hours in a house that is only two stories and currently contains Buffy, Giles, Riley, Xander, Willow, Tara, Anya, Dawn, Spike himself, and Dawn's best friend Janice, no one notices because Dawn and her best friend Janice are distracting them very effectively, by way of high-pitched voices and gossip and card games.

Spike sneaks around and does evil, bored, angry things.

-xxx-

When Spike is done, he sneaks into the basement and waits for Dawn and Janice to join him.

Upstairs, Buffy finds that all of her weapons have been painted hot pink with fingernail polish.

Giles sees that the ancient tomes he brought with him to the birthday party have runes written all over them in blood, tiny popcorn bits floating in it.

Riley's stakes, tazers, guns, walky-talkies, and other soldier gear have eyeliner pencils (and a few normal pencils) glued to them, completely covering them so that he can't use them.

Willow and Tara discover that all of their herbs have been mixed with crunched blood-drizzled popcorn and pasted to their candles.

Anya's eyes widen to note that all of her dollar bills have a quote from _Passions_ written on them.

Xander eats Cheetos and naps, and when he wakes up he walks into the bathroom to see himself with eyeliner, lipstick, blush, mascara, with ribbons in his hair, and with rainbow-colored fingernails.

-xxx-

When people yell "SPIKE!" and rush to find and kill him, they see him sitting with Dawn and Janice, curled up on the couch, with _Passions _playing on the TV, sleeping with one girl curled up to him on either side, his arms around their shoulders and both their heads resting on his chest, his head on Dawn's, and they stop, lowering hot-pink weaponry.

They stand there and stare for a little bit, and smile, and take photos, and then go to the kitchen and start talking to each-other quietly so as not to wake them up.

Spike, Dawn, and Janice's eyes all pop open, and they share a smirk.


End file.
